{"id":1578,"date":"2023-09-10T13:02:28","date_gmt":"2023-09-10T18:02:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/taramcfadden.me\/?p=1578"},"modified":"2023-09-11T06:50:24","modified_gmt":"2023-09-11T11:50:24","slug":"unlocking-memories","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/taramcfadden.me\/?p=1578","title":{"rendered":"Unlocking memories"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

It is strange to even say this but that is exactly what just happened. I have memories locked behind walls that I can’t see the walls or the memories, and as I move through the healing process ‘<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I’ve learned that some of my memories are gaslighted, warped from the abuse. Some are just locked away. Just the other day I remembered this little underaged girl that Tara basically raped on our couch. The girl didn’t really resist but you could tell she did not want this to happen to her; from someone she thought was her friend even.
The story is here.<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I won’t repeat the story here you can read it yourself. My post here is why was this locked away in my memory until just the other day. I wasn’t thinking of underaged blonde girls, or anything else, and it just “opened up” and was there. I guess I can understand why I would lock it away, in part. Here is my wife who I love committing statutory rape on our couch, what the hell was I supposed to do – I know ethically in every form I should have turned her in, but I just couldn’t – I could only sit there and watch this happen. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What bothers me is what other memories have I locked away and refuse to let out of their boxes. I know that I block out the physical violence a lot, only remember her saying something nasty to me about “this” or “that”
Its a self protection thing the brain does – Dissociative amnesia<\/a> – and it, and what it is hiding, could explain why I’m still hellbent on exposing her \/shrug. While “I” may not know these memories are there, the rest of “me” does. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Guess its a good thing I’m in therapy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

I’ve been talking with my therapist a lot about this one, as it was a completely blocked memory, how many more exist and will sneak out when I’m unaware. This is one of the reasons behind the journaling. Even though my conscious mind is not aware of the memory my subconscious is, and that is damaging long term. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It is strange to even say this but that is exactly what just happened. I have memories locked behind walls that I can’t see the walls or the memories, and as I move through the healing process ‘ I’ve learned that some of my memories are gaslighted, warped from the abuse. Some are just locked […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_themeisle_gutenberg_block_has_review":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1578","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/taramcfadden.me\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1578","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/taramcfadden.me\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/taramcfadden.me\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/taramcfadden.me\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/taramcfadden.me\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1578"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/taramcfadden.me\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1578\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1587,"href":"https:\/\/taramcfadden.me\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1578\/revisions\/1587"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/taramcfadden.me\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1578"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/taramcfadden.me\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1578"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/taramcfadden.me\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1578"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}