Let me tell you about the most horrible moment in my life. Worse than wanting to kill myself even……….
I talked to my brother just a while ago.
He told he how Tara McFadden ran to him after my mothers death and told him how I murdered my mother. – Go ahead let that sink in – yes that bitch is that much of a fucking bitch.
In typical “Narcissistic gaslighting fashion” she left out the details – this is why I will ensure you burn for all eternity you fucking bitch. I will condemn you to hell and spend 10,000 years pealing the skin from you before we even begin with the nasty stuff – Jesus only saves those who redeem themselves – (read your bible) – good F’n luck with that…. A narcissist can’t admit guilt and you can find redemption till you do – your soul is mine for all eternity… I’m okay with that agreement. The price is worth it.
Let me recount the darkest period in my life, much worse than me wanting to kill myself – courtesy of that evil bitch Tara McFadden.
My mother, Cora Davena LaCour (Kirkland / Wass) was diagnosed with rapid onset dementia, Alzheimer’s and stroke (the stroke amplified this all). Her medication required her to NOT smoke. Demetia can cause you to not eat or drink, I wish I knew then…. On the way home from her 3rd hospital trip, I was lying my ass off to her, that she had quit smoking YEARS ago (a Narc never admits such things FYI). She found a pack of cigarettes I had missed /sigh. I stopped the car on Flow Road and told her (from memory) ” Mom the doctor told us that if you smoke it screws up that medicine that makes you hungry so you will die if you do it.” She told me (and she told me before) “I will die on my terms and that means if I smoke I die.”
My mother and I had agreed a LONG time before that – she would make her choices, I was to respect them and when it came time I would let her go (It rips the heart out of my chest to admit I agreed to that a long time ago and followed it; I miss my mother so bad. She always had me, that is why “it” hated her).
I told her she would have to go to her main Dr and tell him, and we went that day – a Thursday. He reaffirmed things, and then assigned hospice the next day. Friday they showed up and I had a LONG talk with the nurse – tonight I balled my head off and told my brother that conversation, and he forgave me. (thank you because I’m so fucking sorry)..
The conversation was that I would, in essence, kill my mother with morphine to spare her the pain of such a death, and he gave me details of how to do it.
SO yes, you fucking bitch, you’re not lying that I killed my mother rather than watch her suffer for (?) how long – this is why you are fucking piece of fucking shit. I made a home made pumpkin pie that night, for my mother and I couldn’t throw it away (I don’t know how long that fucking things sat in my refrigerator) .. that is the last day I saw that demon Tara (Saturday, Nov 17th) On sunday the 18th my mother slipped into a coma, and I increased her morphine as instructed to make she was not in pain. I don’t think I slept for a week, till after the funeral. I was in dep depression up until the divorce honestly, and that didn’t help.
I setup a camera and a amazon puck to play her favorite music. On the 21st I noticed her breathing change (I had a computer dedicated to watching her online 24×7). I went into the room, and held her hand. At the end of Page’s Tennessee waltz and the start of Elivs’s love me tender she stopped breathing. I don’t know how long I set there with my mothers dead hand in mine. I don’t remember much about any of that, I don’t even remember seeing that bitch for 2 days.
I sank into the greatest depression of my life because you abandoned me then. I will never forgive you for that, you are right to say that……… You did it to hurt me, that was a mistake. You told my brother I murdered her, that was another mistake. you told your sister bullshit lies about it that was another mistake.
I’m done forgiving you for mistakes.
Its personal now, and you’ve never understood that part of me – you white people never do…
If I must become Satan himself to exact my vengeance on you for the pain you’ve caused me tonight I agree with that – I oppose God and I will take your soul into the depths of hell you’ve never imagined and extract vengeance on you that you cannot imagine for the pain you’ve caused me tonight for a billion – trillion years, and that is just the warm-up. Since a Narc can’t admit real fault, you can’t reach real redemption and your soul is mine for eternity – I’m okay with that bargain.
SO there you go – you win.
But I WILL have the last word on it. That is something you can’t escape.
Tara McFadden has a problem with reality – she creates delutions and that becomes her reality.
See Examples: