Moving the Goalpost – From what I hear Tara McFadden is trying to move the goalpost now that she is being cornered on all her behavior. Narcissists hate being exposed and will make some pretty crazy claims to try and support their abuse. She is now trying to claim that her toxic behavior has not gone on since the start of our relationship; I’m sure some low IQ types will buy this /shrug – can’t fix stupid. Two years into our relationship is when it really started, insults about our sex life and they continued for the next 34 years – Yeah I put up with them and shouldn’t have.
About 3 or 4 years ago I stopped engaging her in her toxic behavior. When she would say nasty things, I would not respond (I did not know a thing about “grey rocking” which is a tactic to use against them by not responding. It just seemed to work so I kept doing it). In part it was my little brother that set me on this path, he told me that whenever she started that with him, he would just let her say whatever and then not respond.
Tara loves drama and strife – she does not know I knew about this, but I will tell the story now.
The day my mother passed away, my brother and I had a plan in place to release her money without having to wait months on it. That day I rushed to the bank and withdrew all her money. The moment I did this Tara ran to my brother (Scott) and told him: “You better do something he is going down to empty those bank accounts right now, you will never see your money!” – trying to cause problems. My brother told her he knew, and that was the plan even. Yeap, she was pissed.
This extended to her attempts to start fights with me about things. The only thing I would do is tell her “well it seems you can’t do that so don’t worry about it in the future” – of course in typical narcissistic fashion she then started doing that on anything she didn’t want to do around here. Before you know it the only thing she was doing is making me pay her bills while she shopped for a replacement. She even admits to this on the front porch video about ‘conditional offers’ – because she can’t pick that up, or move this, or my ‘whatever’ to do this or that.
Creating the Toxic Environment: She falsely claims that this environment was toxic, but it was another of her own creations. She admits on video that she emotionally withheld from me for 6 months, and yes that makes someone act that way – a narcissist is good about making you act bad and then crying that they are the victim. As shown in these text messages, there was NO toxic environment here, she is delusional and made it up just like she made this up, and this too.
Admitting she is the Toxic Person: Now, from what I hear she is now admitting that she is the toxic person she is, but trying to play it off (see graphic above) that she was made this way by me – that is called Blame Shifting (Narcissists, Controllers, and the Art of Blame-Shifting | Psychology Today) . This is another very well known Narcissist habit. Tara has always been the toxic person in our relationship, and I’m not dodging blame, I’ve allowed her to manipulate me into being one too, and worse at times. I should have done better, but there it is. She of course will pounce on that and try to make you ignore her on it.
Delusions: This is the hardest part for people to understand about her. She does NOT see the same things we see. She sees what she wants to see and justifies it when cornered. As seen in the last 2 videos I’ve posted she does not see the letter saying what it actually said, she saw it saying something else – and then when forced to admit she was wrong (Pay attention here) she blame shifts and claims it is from me brainwashing and abusing her for years (see above about blame shifting – IE: it is still not Tara’s fault). She of course claims, falsely, that she accepts blame for “whatever here” and that “she is getting better, don’t judge her for who she used to be” – this is another common false claim from a narcissist. This is also the claim she used every time she recycled me. Narcissists will ‘get better’ (at hiding themselves) for a short time to get past these types of rough patches. They don’t change however. See the Dear Jane letter I have posted. For 36 years Tara has had affairs on me, the latest was 2 years ago; this is where she moves the goalposts and claims “I just started therapy in December*” (when she used therapy to begin emotional withholding (another narcissist abuse tactic)). Ask her how long she has known her current “friend” ….
*NOTE: Since I posted this we’ve discovered she didn’t start therapy until February, so her ‘changes’ in December, and claims she did it on advice of her therapist are lies.
This message won’t get to her enablers though. She has done what the Nazi’s did to the population of Germany. Repeated the lie of me abusing her so much that you don’t question her, and as we’ve seen if you do question her, she blocks you (like she has so many others). If you get tired of Grape, maybe she can feed you some Cherry.
I will say this though. This site stays up for a long time, and if things work out while she is in jail and her influence over you fades (that is how a narcissist manipulation thing works) maybe then you will stumble on it and realize what really happened – I know, its embarrassing. I’m living through that right now.