Was talking to a couple of her old friends about her. We started talking about her getting picked on in school. She can tell you the names, times, dates, the color of the shoes they wore and exactly what they said or did. She can also tell you the nasty things she said to them when they tried to friend her on FB later in life (after most of us has grown up).
I know I was picked on, can think of only 1 guy in one place and time. I’m sure I picked on someone too, can’t name a time or place for it. Most of us grow up and move on from that, not that we don’t remember “this” time or “that” time that marks a hard point in our lives we would like to get even for, have done better, worse, /shrug. For the Narcissist though they never let it go ( What Is Vindictive Narcissism? (choosingtherapy.com) every little slight, every little insult, every bad thing.
When I was immersed in that toxicity I didn’t pay attention to it, to be honest you are trying to keep your head above the filth, walking on eggshells is just a part of it; I was marking the hours spent worrying about her in this situation or that, as she is incredibly naive too and now with her becoming violent – this will turn out bad, its just a matter of time and a roll of the dice.
In any case however being immersed in the toxicity you don’t notice it, but now that I’m out of it I’m noticing a lot of things. Alone yeah maybe you wouldn’t see anything, but once you start putting it all together then there is a pattern.