As old friends find out that I’m now divorced from Tara I start hearing from them about all sorts of things, some are believable and some are not. One believable one is that she was having an affair with a guy who took over Auto Glass center as the manager for a short amount of time; I suspected she was but could never prove it of course (I can’t remember the guy’s name, but I do remember the behavior, so affair #30?). Of course he dumped her after he got what he wanted and she got clingy (her trying to discard me again, then coming back home like nothing happened of course). Same old story that has happened to her so many times (that I allowed it was my error and embarrassment).
In any case some of these people understand co-dependency, and some don’t and I have no control over that at all. In this case it is someone Tara burned a long time back, they wouldn’t tell me what she did sadly (I guess it was bad enough that they were afraid what I might do? Or, they just didn’t want to be outed on the thing). But they knew exactly what she was and that ended up with them blocked and me influenced to act shitty to them (its how it works).
I will point out that Narcissist are never kind and helpful without getting something out of it. I don’t know that I ever got anything out of it with them. I do know that I was triggered by her to react to people in certain ways to keep her good graces. When I didn’t act they way she wanted then things got bad – see the story about Steve Dudra (breaking my shades thinking they were his) or my brother (cutting me off from sex because I would not evict him).
So today one of my good friends (female) thanked me for the great advice I gave her, from a male perspective. – You’re welcome.
Today, also, I was thanked by ?? amount of people for my thoughts, suggestions, insights to what they are dealing with in the narcissistic relationship (I help out a lot in these forums online). – You’re welcome
(I only wish I could follow all of my own advice)
With both my Dr and my Therapist I talked about the number of people I’ve helped or tried to help in my life. The therapist pushed me on it and the number of people I listed was staggering. I’ve really went out of my way to help others in my life; and I did it because it makes me feel good, to me – not for any validation, I just enjoyed it (and still do).
This is when ‘we’ explored the concept of “empathy” and what that means. An “empath” is a sci-fi creation, and in psychology there is no such thing, there are only what is loosely called highly empathetic people. It seems that I fit the blueprint where I’m very empathetic and she is a narcissist – /shrug. That is why i stayed with her so long and through so many affairs is because I did what she asked and kept trying to fix her, solve her problems – and kept failing.
July 4th 2023 was the end, I was spent and done.
What followed was what was pent up and hidden, but not hidden anymore.
In any case, when you have been through what I’ve been through, then validation, from every source out there helps. Friends, Doctors, even those people that admit they don’t like me much, it all helps.